Can we baptize you?

September 27, 2016

Dearest family,

I feel like I should just start by apologizing for my last letter. Apparently it was a little but heavy. I didn't mean to concern anyone, I was just trying to explain a little about what had been happening. Don't worry I am mentally healthy and still truly love the mission. 

Anyway it's been another one of those crazy whirlwind kind of weeks but we have been loving it. Last p day we spent all day shopping for gifts for our family. Yay. Seriously I am at a loss as to what to get for the boys and dad. So if anyone has any ideas help me out. Then after p day we got to meet with our brand new ward mission leader. His name is Joshua and he is awesome! All 6 of us went to his home in the car and we had some speed walking competitions on the way there just to keep life interesting. 

Tuesday we had district meeting. What. Weird. I know…District meeting on the right day. Our minds were a little bit blown, but it was awesome. Hermana Clark and I got to practice teaching lesson 1 and we really tried to break out of the routine of it, using different scriptures ext. it was so much fun. It is such a beautiful message. We also got to visit with Felix. It was the first time that I saw him since his baptism and he was literally so happy! I had never seen him like that it made my heart so happy. 

After that cita we had a crazy miracle. So we had set a baptismal date with C for the 17th. But because of all the craziness, we didn't get to teach her everything so we pushed it back just a little without thinking, and invited her to F’s baptism. Well she came, and when we went to go see her on Tuesday she said, "Hermanas. I was supposed to be baptized on Saturday, why didn't you let me get baptized? I want to be baptized this Saturday!"  Our jaws dropped. She literally was yelling at us for not letting her get baptized!  We then planned a baptism in 4 days. We taught her all of the commandments right then. As we were walking home I expressed some doubts that she was ready to be baptized. Well the next day cleared that up for me. I have never met anyone like her. As we taught her the rest of the commandments we asked her why she wanted to be baptized. She said, “I have found the church of God. I want to be part of it, the rest doesn't matter.”  I realized that she had been closed off from us, but she was ready for this, she wanted it. And she certainly was not going to let us get in her way! It was truly a humbling experience. 

On the way home we met with L. He is a less active member who told us that since he has started praying again he has felt so much peace. He has been going around to other churches asking if they had the priesthood. He was so discouraged when none of them claimed to be able to use it. He told us, "It's just you guys! Only the Mormons say they have it and can use it!"

Wednesday night we got to teach A the restoration. She didn't understand everything, but at the end she took a deep breath and told us how wonderful she felt. We invited her to be baptized and she agreed. Oh happy day! Then we helped some people with their English. And had an awesome noche de Hogar with the ward. 

Thursday morning we wrote our feelings down on a paper and burned them. It was fun, then we weekly planned. I love it! We then went to C's house with the elders to do her baptismal interview. Her little boy was running around like a madman and we were doing our best to help him be quiet. But then a whole group of police stormed the building. All of us missionaries didn't know what to do, and Elder Hamblin jumped in front of the door where the interview was happening and said, " No way, you aren't interrupting this!" but they were going to a different home - but it was still pretty funny. 

Then we got to teach some more less active members. The Spirit was so strong in all of them. I love when we teach people who already recognize the Spirit. Sometimes it is frustrating because they choose to ignore it. But most of the time it just makes it so much stronger. 

Friday morning we had to take the cercanias to Fuengirola, on the way out of piso my companion grabbed an English Book of Mormon because she felt like she should. When we were buying our tickets a lady stopped us and asked for help in English, we had an awesome chat and gave her the Book of Mormon. Miracles. It was funny she was from Liverpool and I did not understand a word she said. I guess the gift of tongues doesn't pass to English. We then had transfer meeting again with President and pretty much everything changed. 

Then we got to teach C in the church and he accepted to at least try to live some of the commandments. Then we got to teach G and he accepted a baptismal date! My companion gave him such a strong promise. She promised that the Lord would open his path if he put forth the effort. 

Saturday was one of the best days of my mission! C's baptism was at 12 and everything went so well! President came and brought his friend, which added to the stress of it all. But he gave such a beautiful testimony and so did C. Hermana Clark and I got to stand together and watch her get baptized and it was just such a special moment. Then off we went to get ready for the ward party that night. It was a party that everyone brought food and a performance from their country. It was so cool to see everyone represent. But no one told us we were supposed to represent the USA. We threw something together really quick and sang the national anthem, so so badly.  But it was fun and we had a bunch of friends that came! 

Sunday C and F got confirmed. It was so amazing. We also gave a whole ward effort to keep C's baby happy. Man. He is a busy one. That night there was another baptism and we were asked to sing. So Hermana Clark and I put together our best 2 min prep singing voices and made it happen. 

Sorry for such a quick letter of the week, but it has been a great one. Also I have learned so much that I was to be the Lord’s servant. I don't want to be telling Him how to do His job. He does it so much better than I could and He knows exactly what I need. 

Love you all,

Hermana Smalley 

That's it! I'm Done! I am not celestial material!

September 19, 2016

Dearest family,

It has been the week of weeks. I am honestly speechless looking back on all that has happened. I just want to start by testifying of the love that God has for each of us. It is infinite unchanging and constant. I'm sure I will touch this topic again as I go through the week, but this week God has shown me in a very personal way He knows my name, he knows the sound of my voice, and He is mindful of all I am facing.

I talked about the wonderful consejo that we had last week with Elder Zwick. I might also mention that during said consejo I had to run to Hermana Whaley to grab some pills to try and hold off the sickness that was coming in fast. I managed to make it through the meeting, but after I kinda died. I sat down and mostly talked to Elder Adcock trying not to fall asleep. We finished writing over at Vialia so that we all made it out of the church. But as we headed home that night it became obvious that my body could not handle any more. We did splits and Hermana Hauber took me back to our piso and I took some sleeping meds and I tried to not exist. Little did I know Hermana Hauber decided to come talk to me. Mind you I was sick and on medication. You can only imagine what this conversation must have sounded like!  We were laying down in beds talking about the mission and she asked me what the best advice I could give her would be.  I told her to stay. Just stay, ride the wave, love the Lord, and choose to be happy. Not he wisest words from Hermana Smalley but that was about all I could muster. As I talked with this sweet Hermana she inspired me with her sincere desire to do right and give everything she has to the Lord. After that I promptly fell asleep.

Random throw in: San Fernando was divided into 3 areas!  President asked me to figure out how we could put a new area there and take care of the maps and all that.  It was so fun, I felt like it was my little baby. Also, “I” spoke in stake conference. And M is finally getting baptized on Thursday!  I almost cried. I am so happy for everything that is happening in that wonderful place.

Tuesday morning was, well a gem of a morning. We still had the SHES from Sevilla with us. I wont lie, I woke up at 7:30 said, "hoy Es el dia!" and then went back to sleep because I felt so awful. I woke up to President calling - we had an emergency with some Hermanas in the mission and he was telling us that we would need to be with them for the rest of the day.  Me and my cute companion were completely dead, and well, she kind of lost it right there on the kitchen floor. The cute SHEs from Sevilla did their best to take care of us and we called the elders to get my companion a blessing. We went over to the church and Elder Holman gave her an incredible blessing. The biggest thing that caught my attention was that he said, "your Heavenly Father knows you and your trials and all that you are called to do, and he would like you to remember that he is God." That line made me think of the line in Helaman 10:6 where it says, " behold, thou art Nephi, and I am God" it is a line repeated in various scripture with differing names. But that has always called my attention. I love how God reminds his servants… I know you. I know your failings. I know your imperfections. But I am God. And I know what I need you to do. It doesn't matter who you are if you know who I am. After the blessing we went back to piso and it was my turn to fall apart.

Without too many details I just want to tell you, It has been rough.  This new assignment has been more taxing emotionally spiritually and physically than I thought.  I don't mean to complain, it has been a privilege.  But it has been hard.  Missionary work is hard, but there is so much gratification knowing you are serving the Lord.  Knowing you are doing as He asks and doing His will. Yes, missionary work is hard, but not doing it is harder.  My whole mission I have not been perfect, but I have been able to get on my knees and say with confidence that I was obedient to my best ability every day. With all the new things happening I haven't felt that. It has crushed me. I have talked to a lot of people who have told me a lot of things about how serving missionaries is also missionary work. But I know that the small chink in my armor of not feeling obedient was what Satan used this week to make me feel worthless, inadequate, and incapable.  Wow, bleak right? But that's about where I was Tuesday morning. Small clarifier. I have still been obedient as much as possible it has been my own self-doubt that was the problem here.

Anywho, because of the situation we had to move the Sevilla Hermanas from our piso, so we took them to the other she's piso in Malaga and on the way back stopped by my dear Malaga 4. There the elders met up with us to give me a blessing. Elder Rivero and Elder Adcock had come in from Jerez the day before and were staying over there. It was a tender mercy for me to have them both there and be able to ask for a blessing from them. Mainly I went into that blessing just wanting to know how my Heavenly Father felt about me.  I felt like I was completely dirty and useless and I needed desperately to feel His love for me.  I honestly gave no explanation for the reason I needed a blessing (we try to avoid the emotional junk around the elders) but during the blessing 3 words hit me like cold water at 4 in the morning. You are enough. I was told over and over how much I was loved and how my efforts were sufficient.

Those elders will never know how much they helped me that day. Just how much I needed to hear those words and just how much they healed a lot of hurt. I knew that that night I needed to be strong for some other Hermanas and I just couldn't find that in me. But after that blessing I knew that all I needed to do was help them feel the love of their Father.  I have gained such a testimony of the priesthood this week. It is a scary thing, needing to rely on other people for my access to the blessings of the priesthood.  But I am so grateful for every man who keeps himself worthy so that he can be an instrument through which I can hear the words from a loving Father.  Please stay worthy. Please be ready.  We need you, but we need the best of you.

That night we had some Hermanas come in and we told them the plans to go out and work and they both just burst into tears. Blessings round 4 for Tuesday. We brought them to the church and Elder Quispe and Bussell gave them both incredible blessings that helped the situation immensely. We then went and picked up Hermana Clark and Stephens from the train station. We had 6 Hermanas in our piso. It was a party. A party I tapped out on. Too tired.

The next morning we were up at 6 to get ready for the conference at 7 I got a call from Elder Adcock telling me that his zone wasn't coming. The San Fernando zone was stranded because their bus never came. 2000 euros in taxis later, they all managed to get to the conference an hour late. Crazy stuff I tell you!  Well any way Elder Zwick shook all of our hands again. He asked us to please be thinking of what we wanted to feel and hear today. Again the only thing I could think was I want to know my standing with God. As I went to shake his hand, he grabbed my hand and said, "Hermana Smalley, I understand you had a rough night last night. I want you to know no one else could have done it better, you are needed right where you are."  My jaw dropped and I sat down and cried. Yeah, I've been crying a lot lately. The church is true folks. I needed to hear those words so much.

The whole conference was incredible. The biggest take away I got was that there is so much that I am not. I am not smart enough to do this. I am not charming enough, nor strong enough. But that brings on a whole new meaning to one of the Lord's titles doesn't it? The great I AM. It doesn't matter what I am or what I'm not. Because I serve the great I Am. If I trust in Him and give Him my all, He will do the rest. Because He is able.

After the conference we all ate together and I got to talk to Hermana Spangler and Hermana Bailey about San Fernando. I love those two!  It was so fun to talk to all of them. Also, Elder Bingham came up to me and asked, "Are you the Hermana Smalley?"  He explained that mom wrote his mom and he received a huge email all about me.  Haha - thanks mom.  It was fun to be around some old friends but I was just astounded by how many people I didn't know. Elder Holman and I decided to be unsocial together - we passed it well

That night we still had Hermanas with us, but Hermana Clark had had it. We had to wait around a lot while President did interviews ext., but she wanted to work together in our area. So we snuck out and did some good old fashioned missionary work for the rest of the night. We went back to the chapel and picked up the Hermanas and brought them back to our house to sleep.

Thursday morning we still had Hermanas with us, but we weekly planned or started. We had a lot of interruptions but hey, we tried our best. Thursday night we went on splits and I went to “F” with the elders and he passed his baptismal interview! Milagros!  Then we went to the church and had a meeting with President. Yay. Then I was back with my dear sweet Hermana Clark. We went to E’s house and ate some wonderful food and talked about what it means to believe Christ. Not just believe in Him.

Friday morning we had our first transfer meeting. Woohoo. Sorry folks no details here besides it was long and there is so much that goes into transfers. It's chill. We taught F that night and then got to teach an awesome member present lesson about lesson 2 to G. He is 17 and awesome! Lesson 2 just makes so much sense.

Saturday was supposed to be F’s baptism. I woke up and just knew something was going to go wrong. I had a bad feeling all day. But we went about our day doing preparations ext. If you ever get too sad, I want you to picture two Hermanas in the store looking for white men's underwear because they need it for a baptism. It was so uncomfortable! Anyway we went to the church at 6 and F was already there. Everything went smooth. He was baptized. No problem. It was amazing! Hermana Clark and I had to sing while sick, less amazing. But still fun. After he got up and bore his testimony and he talked about how up until now he had been alone, but how he had found a great family here in the church and he just wanted to do all that God wanted him to. It was so touching. He is incredible.

Sunday church was good, normal day. Except that night I just had a Hermana Smalley moment. We were walking home for the night and we were both tired and I just threw up my hands and said, probably a little too loud, "I'm done! I quit! I'm not celestial material!"  I pointed to a line on the ground and said, “I feel like I keep telling the world I won't go any farther and then I keep being dragged onward.  I refuse to go past that line. I'm done!”  Hermana Clark looked at me and said okay.  And went and sat down on some dirty steps. I sat down with her and we both just burst into tears. Yes folks. Long week. We started talking we realized that we were two very small Hermanas in the middle of a busy city on the other side of the world from home trying to take on the world. But at least we knew why. We sat and talked about how the knowledge of who we really are is the only reason we have been able to keep going.  I honestly don't know how people do it.  But it seems like a very brave and lonely thing. But that's why we need to keep going. Because even though we are small we are on the Lord’s errand.

I know that this has been kinda a downer of a letter. And yes. A long one. But I felt like I should be pretty frank about all that has been happening here. But don't think I have been left with this negative attitude. I have learned so much. That God is real, He knows me and will support me in all that I am facing if I let Him. I am Erinn, and He is God. I need to understand that Christ is more than just a friend and example. He is my Savior. He died to help me in this life. Life is a grand adventure. I am so grateful for all that I am learning even though it can be hard. It is always worth it.

Love you all!

Hermana Smalley

Not to jinx anything, but this was one of the craziest weeks of my whole life!

September 12, 2016

Dearest family,

I think I challenged the fates last week when I said that was the craziest week of my mission! Not to jinx anything, but this was one of the craziest weeks of my whole life. And we loved it.

Monday night we got to go visit a member who lives pretty far out in the campo (countryside). It was so fun because we got to see the stars and actually be in a home. She is the sweetest little mom who just sent of her son
on the mission. She stuffed us so full of food! For p day we made paella and had already eaten a ton so we literally ate ourselves sick but we liked it. Also in making the paella we forgot stuff to cut the
peppers and chicken and so I used a spoon. What an adventure!

Tuesday morning my companion and I fell apart -  we both started getting sick, but we did weekly planning and then tried to feel better. Then we went out and taught C and helped get her ready for her baptism.  It was pretty good. We taught her about the Book of Mormon and she told us that every time she reads it, she feels the Holy Spirit. Then we got to teach Cs again.  It was awesome!  He is progressing so well! He loved what we had to say about the plan of salvation.

Alright here is where the crazy starts.Wednesday morning we had a district leader training. We gave a taller (lesson) about how Elders need to work with Hermanas. I actually learned so much about how to be a better leader for these Hermanas. It was pretty humbling to think about just how much I need to improve and do better. But I am really excited to apply what I learned about -  how to lead by example and seek revelation to bless the lives of these Hermanas.

Then we went on intercambios (exchanges) with Hermana Peters and Hermana Portas.  They are both so awesome! I was with Hermana Peters and we got to be together that night. She hasn't changed, still such hard worker and just wants to do the best she can. We caught up on old times and just had an awesome time. At night we also had Hermana Lake and Hermana Sabin staying with us, so Hermana Clark took the couch and I got the
floor. It was fun having a full house.

We then got some pretty sad calls that night that some Hermanas in the mission are really struggling and  Hermana Clark and I both felt very strongly that we needed to go see them. The only problem is that they were in extremadura - pretty much as far away as you can get. So the next morning we got up and jumped into the car to go to Sevilla with the assistants. Elder Bussell and I had an awesome talk on the way there about why we decided to come on the mission and what we have learned. Once we got to Sevilla, we hopped on a bus to head up to Badajoz. It was a 3 hour bus ride and my poor companion got so sick. But we enjoyed it. We met a member from North Carolina, who was completely inactive, who was celebrating his 50th wedding anniversary. We asked him how and he just said, " it's easy when two people love each other!"  It was so cute!

Then we got to Badajoz and got to be with those amazing Hermanas! I will never stop being amazed with the caliber of Hermanas that surround me and their pure desires to serve God. We tried our best to love and help these sweet Hermanas and it looks like it did help at least a little bit.

Friday morning President picked us up in his brand new car! It was pretty fun!  It almost felt like a family car ride stopping in gas stations for snacks and all that. It was really fun to just talk with them. I got to talk to him about San Fernando a lot and it was super fun. Mom, Hermana Andersen loves the quilt we made!  When we finally got back to Malaga, President dropped us off right at the chapel to teach Cs. He is awesome!  We taught him lesson 3 and invited him to be baptized and he accepted! Yay!

Saturday morning we had district meeting.  We have a pretty awesome district, if I don't say so:)  That night was a lot of looking for elects and keeping our spirits up.

Sunday was awesome! We had lots of our friends come to church and they had a really good time! Then we ate with a member family. They all speak perfect English and it was awesomeness. Then we went to the chapel and had to clean it all night in preparation for Elder Zwick coming. We went and picked up the Alicante Hermanas and threw ourselves in bed!

Then Monday came! We all got up got ready and then headed to the church for consejo. It was so fun to see so many old friends and then meet elder Zwick!  We got to shake his hand individually and man, I hope he liked what he saw inside of me. He told me and Hermana Clark that we a two drops of water (two peas in a pod in Spanish).

The meeting was incredible! I learned so much, but my biggest take away was that I need to be striving to apply what I am learning. I need to be changed by what I learn, not just receive great insight and not do a thing about it! That invites the Spirit more. I also learned that I am a resource of good things from God. Not the source. We ended the meeting sharing our testimonies and it was so powerful. I am so grateful to be serving here!

I love you all so much!

Hermana Smalley

Sometimes life gives you lemons...and you're fasting so you can't even make lemonade!

September 5,2016

Dearest family,

Um. So I know in the past I have said that we have had crazy weeks and it went by fast. But I take it all back. Because this week was the craziest and fastest week of my mission thus far.  So buckle your seatbelt folks because here we go!

Last Monday we didn't do too much. Hermana Clark was applying for BYU so we had to stay in the chapel. Elder Holman wrote some fake essays that were hilarious and I played ping pong with Elder Bussell. Monday night we got to visit some awesome investigators who are so prepared but their parents just won't let them be baptized. We are working on it!

We finished the night with M -  she has a huge dog who still thinks he is a puppy so I was sitting on the couch and he came and did a running jump and landed on me. It was hilarious but it hurt.

Tuesday morning you will never guess what we did. We weekly planned! Weird right? But we had kinda a crazy week planned so it was the only time we could! That night we got to teach A again. We took it really slow and just talked about who Christ is. Because she believes in God but doesn't understand where Christ fits in. After talking with us a while she said she understands.  It was the first time that she understood why she would need a figure like Christ. It is seriously my favorite part of the mission to teach and testify of Christ.

We finished the night teaching a noche de hogar with some members and we got to teach our investigator lesson 1. It was such a powerful lesson.

Wenesday morning we had a meeting with President about the upcoming zone conference. Elder Zwick is going to be coming to our mission next week. The logistics and planning or everything kinda blows my mind, but the meeting started at 10 and I didn't even look at the clock until 4. We sat there for 6 hours and I didn't even notice! There was still more to plan and figure out but we were all a little hangry. So we went to get some food and right as we ordered our food, we got a call from the Jerez Hermanas telling us they were in Malaga! I've never eaten so fast in my life! We got back to our piso and met up with Hermanas Whaley and Rollins! It was so good to be with them.

I got to be with sweet Hermana Whaley that night. It was seriously so so much fun I love that lady so much! We went to go see F that night and he told us that he didn't want to get baptized anymore. He had fallen and was scared. So we taught him about faith and just tried to love him as much as we could. Hermana Whaley put up with me getting lost and not knowing just about anything. That night we went to noche de hogar with the ward and played ninja and had a grad old time. Hermana Whaley is just the best!  I have been so blessed with incredible companions.

The next morning I was with Hermana Rollins! She is seriously the best!  I think she helped me more than I helped her. It was another morning of me getting lost and contacting people but we talked a lot and she helped me calm down. Then our dear friends had to get on the train and go back to Jerez and we got on the bus and went to eat with the Bishop's family.  It was super fun and S always cracks me up.

We got to teach F again with some members and the way they loved him was so cute and I loved being able to be there. Then we had a series of crazy phone calls trying to draw area lines and stress but we loved it. And then we got to teach C.  I was so focused on what we had been doing earlier that I couldn't focus on the lesson. So mid lesson I had to say a prayer and ask for help.  And I am so glad I did. C is so prepared it was an incredible outpouring of the Spirit. I'm so excited to continue working with him! Then we had to stay with the APs to help work out some schedules for training and ext.

When we got home that night Hermana Clark looked at me and said that we didn't need to plan because of intercambios and zone meeting. We both fell on the floor and cried with joy because we were so tired. We also accidentally held hands in the middle of the night as well. You can say we get along;) I love her so so much!

The next morning I came to and felt so so good! I was thinking man! I'm ready for this day. I wonder when the alarm is gonna go off? Apparently Hermana Clark had the same thought and she checked the clock. Then yells, "Hermana it's 9!!"  Our alarm didn't go off and we both didn't even move until 9.  We were dead. But we both jumped out of bed and repented and felt like horrible people.  But it was a pure accident. We had zone meeting that morning. It was e first zone meeting in 6 months that I didn't need to plan anything for. I just got to sit and listen and love it.  After we all went to a Brazilian buffet where they give you like 16 different meats and they bring it out and cut it for you.  It was pretty awesome I won't lie. Then we hopped on a bus and went over to Malaga 3 to do intercambios with those Hermanas.

I was with Hermana Ellsworth that night we had tons of fun teaching jehovah witness families and I actually got to teach J (Someone I met last year while I was here).  He has a bunch of awesome questions. That night I walked smack into the wall trying to turn off the light and we had rice bowls for a 10pm dinner.

The next morning I went with Hermana Burrell and we actually went into my old area:)  It was a blast and she is such a hard worker. Sometimes I get so sad when we contact people who are so awesome, but no matter what we say, we cannot convince them to listen to us. But one day soon they will I'm sure of it!

Then we headed back to our area for probably the worst afternoon of my mission. The funny part was, Hermana Clark and I were so happy!  Everything went wrong but we just kept smiling. It was genuinely fun to see what more could go wrong and just love it because we were missionaries. Even the bad days become fun days. The title of this email comes from a quote from this night.  Anyway let me tell you about it, shall I?  We had F's baptismal interview. Which he failed, but we will keep working on it! Then we taught an awesome lesson to S who is Muslim but he was super open about Christianity and I loved teaching him! Then we ran to Cynthia's and didn't even get to teach her because of some stuff that happened. Then we sprinted across Malaga to go to a pass off lesson with the zone leaders and the lesson failed.  We tried to get on a bus and the bus driver refused to let us on. Yeah, all sorts of stuff!  But it was fun!

Sunday was awesome! Always a joy:)

With all of these new responsibilities and worries here I have often had to remind myself of that.  My worry has turned from being able to simply accomplish it to being able to accomplish it well and make a difference for the people I am serving.  Not just the quantity of hard days I have accomplished, but the quality of my work within those days. It often makes me wonder if I can actually do it. If I have the ability to help these missionaries and the people I serve. I came to quite the negative conclusion that No. I cannot, I am completely average in every way.  But with that depressing thought comes a joyous truth, that God always takes average material and uses it to bring about incredible things. I know that if I can just give my heart to Him and strive with all my might, however little it may seem when compared to the task, He will use us to work miracles. When we are on His errand and doing His work He will lift us higher than we thought we could go. We know that God doesn't care what we look like or what we think our abilities are because He made us, and He knows His abilities and when we give ourselves to Him, He can work with humble clay.  It also reminds us at we are not the driving force behind our mission. When God takes average and accomplishes the extraordinary it is easy to see His hand. So I hope to be the instrument that He can use to bring to pass miracles so that others can see him in what was accomplished.

Love, 
Hermana Smalley